


You're The Words I Promise I Don't Mean

by comicfanperson



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Feelings Realization, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Overworked Scott Summers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28319142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comicfanperson/pseuds/comicfanperson
Summary: Scott Summers refuses to admit his own feelings, and turns a blind eye to Logan's, until one day he can't ignore it anymore.
Relationships: Logan (X-Men)/Scott Summers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35
Collections: Scogan Secret Santa 2020





	You're The Words I Promise I Don't Mean

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LovingStranger_13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovingStranger_13/gifts).



> this was such a fun prompt!! i hope that my person enjoys <3

Okay, in hindsight, Scott realizes that what happened last night was awful and bad in every single way possible. The whole situation makes him feel itchy and slimy, like a disobedient pet that should be punished for acting out. 

Scott groans and leans back in his chair, unable to get the memories of the previous night out of his head, despite the hours of work laid out in front of him on his desk. The scene is set just like it was 24 hours ago. Scott, in his office, working at nearly midnight,  _ alone _ . 

And then…

Then Logan had come in with a hot mug of spiked coffee, and Scott had been tired, and Logan had looked so  _ warm  _ and  _ inviting  _ and Scott has been so lonely since Jean… But even after just one night with Logan, Scott feels a strong, sickly sense of guilt deep in the pit of his stomach. He knows he should’ve been more sensible than that, he  _ knows _ it, but the loneliness had been nearly overwhelming and Logan had been  _ right there. _

He pushes his face into the palms of his hands. He feels so stupid. Logan hadn’t even been in the room when Scott woke up this morning, just proving what Scott has always feared when it came to his feelings for the man. That he couldn’t commit, or  _ wouldn’t  _ commit, that Logan only cared about the physical aspects and nothing else. Scott just wants someone in his life again, someone strong and confident and loving, and he was stupid to think Logan could be that.

_ Logan.  _ Logan  _ Howlett.  _ The hairy Canadian who only drinks beer, who fights like an animal and showers like one, too. The guy with a soft spot for scared and lost kids, and a fondness for people like Kurt and Ororo. 

Scott should’ve never had sex with Logan. Because  _ now _ their working relationship was never going to be the same, despite what either of them might say. 

And what would Jean say?

She would be so upset, because it was always supposed to be the two of them against anything and everything, and he _ failed  _ her. Scott Summers betrayed Jean Grey. He doesn’t feel like he can come back from that.

Scott’s startled out of his regret addled mind by a couple of soft knocks on his office door. 

“Come in,” Scott says, straightening up and adjusting his turtleneck. For a brief moment he wonders who would be at his office at nearly midnight, but the door opens to reveal the man he’s been stressing over all day long. 

Logan offers a wry smile and holds up a mug of, presumably, spiked coffee, “Hey, Slim.”

“Logan,” Scott says, startled, unsure what to think or say, “Where have you been all day? I haven’t seen you at all and Ororo didn’t know where you went either.”

Logan’s eyes dart off to the side just a little, the only sign that he’s as uncomfortable right now as Scott, “I needed to get away, do some thinking. Slim, I shouldn’t have done what I did last night, and I shouldn’t have left you alone this morning, either.” 

Scott sets his jaw, and turns back to his work, “It’s fine, Logan.”

“No, it’s not,” Logan argues, stepping forward and setting the porcelain mug on the desk harshly, “Listen, yer still grieving, I shouldn’t’ve done that to you. I know that Jeannie-”

“Logan, I have work to do,” Scott says sharply,  _ calmly,  _ with all the leader-like authority that Logan hasn’t heard since Jean’s passing nearly a year ago. 

Logan sighs, and steps away, feeling all of Scott’s tension and grief heavy in the air, “Alright, One-Eye. Just… get some sleep eventually, okay?”

He waits a moment for some kind of answer, but he doesn’t get anything. Logan exits the room quietly, making sure to shut the door behind him. 

Over the course of the next week, Scott throws himself into his work completely. Every second spent not working or thinking or planning is spent remembering how it felt to be in Logan’s arms, and those thoughts made him feel… disgusting. He focuses on being better than that, for Jean, and tries not to think about it beyond that. 

Hank confronts him after a particularly rough Danger Room session with a very unimpressed expression on his face and nothing else.

“Hank, I’m fine,” Scott insists before his friend can even open his mouth. 

“You hurt your shoulder,” Hank points out objectively.

Scott tries to argue by standing up and walking away, but he visibly winces as he does, and Hank  _ definitely  _ sees that. 

“It’s not that bad,” Scott grimaces.

Hank grabs him by the other hand to stop him from walking away, “Please, just let me take a look  _ at least.” _

“Hank, I’m fine,” Scott says firmly, trying to pull himself away. 

But then Scott sees Logan across the room, watching them with an unreadable frown, and Scott falters. He can’t help wondering what Logan is thinking, what he might’ve been thinking since that conversation so many days ago. Scott kind of wants Logan to come over and force him to get his shoulder checked out, but the thought makes something inside of him shrivel up with guilt and anxiety.

_ Jean  _ used to do that, and to wish someone else would do it too is just stupid. He doesn’t want Jean to be replaced by anyone, least of all a guy like  _ Logan. _

So why can’t he pull his gaze away from the other man?

Hank tugs him off and away to the infirmary while going on and on about how Scott needs to be more careful, just like Hank always does when he manages to get Scott to go with him. Even when they were kids, Hank berated Scott’s less than admirable training habits. 

He sits Scott down on an examination table, then helps Scott to pull down his uniform so that he can get a better look at the damage. The blue mutant physically winces upon seeing the injury, and that’s when Scott knows he’s really about to get an earful.

“Really, Scott?  _ Really?  _ I knew all that excessive training time was wearing you down, but not like… Like  _ this _ . This is simply ridiculous. I’m giving you strict orders to not practice for more than two hours for the next two weeks so that this can heal up. Pushing yourself too far is not a coping mechanism, how many times do we have to go over that?” 

And maybe he does spend extra hours in the Danger Room when no one’s looking, but what are they going to do? Physically pull him out of there? Scott doubts anyone beyond Warren would really care that much, and Warren doesn’t even live with them anymore. 

And right now, Scott is really wishing that he did. His oldest friend always seems to know how to handle these things, Hank simply lacks tact in these types of conversations. 

Scott gives his friend the most sincere smile he can manage, “Alright, Hank. I hear you.”

Hank just sighs and gives Scott a very familiar looking pill bottle, “Don’t take more than two of these a day, and put ice on your shoulder for about half an hour right before bed.”

“So, the same routine as all the other times. You’ve got it, Hank,” Scott says, then allows Hank to help him adjust his uniform. 

On his way upstairs so he can take a shower in his own bathroom, Scott decides to grab an apple from the kitchen as a post-training snack, but when he gets to the doorway the first thing he sees is Logan and Ororo talking. As he quietly watches them interact, he can’t help but feel as if maybe they’re flirting together, and he’s just being an eavesdropping intruder. 

Scott suddenly feels overwhelmed with anger and sadness, because it wasn’t that long ago Logan was basically worshiping his body. Oh how he wishes he could take that night back. 

Well, Scott _ has _ always been the type to try and ignore anything and everything that makes him even slightly uncomfortable, and if being in the same room as Wolverine just so happens to make him uncomfortable, well… Scott’s not really in the mood to deal with those feelings right now.

He just goes back up to his room and takes his hot shower. If anyone hears him crying, they don’t say anything about it.

As time goes on, Scott continues to keep to himself as much as possible. He spends more nights than he’d like to admit staying up late  thinking about Logan completing paperwork. It gets to the point of Ororo forcing him out of his office to help with dinner. 

He’s in the middle of peeling carrots for her when they hear Scott’s motorcycle rumbling loudly into the garage. She looks at him. Scott doesn’t even move his head a bit to return it.

“Did you know he had your bike?” and even without looking at her, Scott knows she has one eyebrow raised.

“Nope,” he says, accidentally putting too much pressure on the peeler and taking a chunk of carrot with the skin. 

“Are you going to talk to him?”

Scott doesn’t say anything. 

They listen as Logan comes in the door and is tackled by Jubilee and Marie, the man laughs loud and boisterous, teasing the girls for being so friendly. Ororo doesn’t miss Scott tensing up. Scott suppresses thoughts of what it would be like if they were… together and Logan came home after being away for a while. Maybe it would be romantic. Maybe they would just fight. 

Scott’s starting to get sick of fighting. 

He’s dicing the carrots when Logan comes into the kitchen, presumably for a pre-dinner snack, when Scott accidentally cuts down on his index finger. 

He grimaces and gasps a little from surprise and pulls away. Ororo turns around from the pork to figure out what happened, but Logan beats her to it. He’s coming around Scott’s back and coaxing the chef’s knife out of Scott’s hand while gently opening the other to look at the cut.

It’s not a bad cut, not by a long shot, but it still hurts, maybe even more than it should. Because Logan is  _ right there.  _ Pretending to care. 

All Scott can think is about how he shouldn’t have slept with the feral mutant. He should’ve stayed loyal to his wife. 

“Damn, Summers,” Logan chuckles lightly, “What are  _ you _ of all people doin’ cuttin’ carrots? You’re a walkin’ disaster in the kitchen, I thought ‘Ro knew _ that _ first hand.”

Scott doesn’t reply, but he does see the exchange of worried smiles between his two friends, and Scott just… just wants to scream! 

Logan shuffles them over to the sink and helps Scott hold his wildly bleeding finger under running water, then he grabs the peroxide out from under the sink too and holds the cut open so that the product can clean it out thoroughly. Scott bites the inside of his lip through the stinging, and from the way Logan looks at him the older man knows. 

“One of these days yer gonna learn to be more careful,” Logan says, and he’s acting all frustrated but Scott catches the way that Logan’s lips twitch upwards, and a part of him hopes that maybe there’s something between them more than just a one-off, one night stand. 

Scott rolls his eyes behind his shades, “One of these days, you’ll learn to stay in your own lane.” 

Logan doesn’t so much as pause or gasp, but Ororo goes suddenly still from where she’s momentarily taken over the carrots. Scott knows he’s pushing, he  _ knows,  _ he just needs the reassurance from Logan that this isn’t the end. 

None of them really saying anything else, Logan wraps Scott’s finger tightly in gauze and leaves the kitchen with a lingering touch to Cyclops's shoulder. 

He sits for another few moments, replaying everything that just happened over and over again in his head. Everything that could’ve been said, everything that maybe  _ should’ve  _ been said… Scott doesn’t feel like any of it is enough.

This would’ve been so much easier if Jean were around. Maybe then this crucial mistake wouldn’t have been made.

Ororo sets the knife down on her cutting board, “What’s wrong with you? Why are you avoiding Logan?”

And Scott… really wants to give her an answer, it’s just that he’s not really sure what to say. ‘I cheated on my dead wife?’ ‘I’m too much for even Logan?’ Would Ororo even understand any of that? Would she care even if she did? 

“I’m not,” he says instead, though it’s clear he’s not very convincing given the way she turns to him specifically to raise her left eyebrow.

“I know it’s been hard, Scott-”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Ororo. Not right now.”

She sighs, “Well, you’re going to have to talk about it eventually. And if anyone is going to understand how much you miss Jean…”

“I know,” Scott says, “Logan would.”

Ororo’s voice goes soft and sad for a second, “Yes... Logan.”

Scott looks up at her and sees something in her eyes he didn’t realize was ever there. He offers her a soft smile, then stands up and walks back over to the cutting board. 

“So, what do you need done next?”

By the end of the week, Scott is certain that everyone knows there’s something going on between him and Logan. He’s not sure what they think it is, but they’re probably wrong regardless. The weird part is, though, that even Scott isn’t certain what’s going on between them.

Despite Logan not following through like Scott had initially hoped for, the younger man still finds himself stopping stray thoughts about Wolverine. About his irritating attitude, and nasty habits, and dark, burning eyes, and the way his lips feel and how his hands move.

Scott nearly slams his forehead against his desk. These thoughts need to stop, especially when he’s working at well past midnight to get caught up on paperwork.  _ Again.  _ Scott wants to cry. But, he doesn’t. Instead, he just plugs away at his work. That is, until someone knocks on his office door, and without even asking Scott knows just who it is going to be. 

“What do you want, Logan?” Scott grumbles. 

As predicted, Logan enters the office, looking worried. And  _ tired.  _

“Slim, no one here needs you pulling three all-nighters this week, just go to bed,” Logan says, gruff as usual, but Scott can hear new things from Logan now. He understands the man’s certain word choices and undertones for what they’re supposed to be. It’s funny because… that never really happened with Jean.

God,  _ Jean.  _ She still makes his heart feel heavy, and she still reminds him of how  _ wrong  _ it is to want Logan so  _ much.  _

But, it still hasn’t stopped him from wanting the man, it seemed. 

“Logan…” Scott trails off, his face pressed into his hand, “I have to get this done.”

“I don’t know who it’s fer, but it doesn’t matter. If ya do it while tired yer just gonna hate it in the morning,” Logan argues, “Now, go to bed.” 

Scott looks up at Logan imploringly, taking in the man’s expression and body language. It’s so new, but he’s not scared. At least, not anymore, he thinks.

Scott sucks in a breath, then whispers, “Will you come with me?” 

Logan’s face breaks out into a sweet, loving smile, and for a moment it just feels…. Perfect. 

“Yeah, Cyke, I’ll go with you.”

And in Logan’s arms, safe and warm and not so bone-tired, Scott feels happy, and he thinks maybe Jean wouldn’t mind. Not if he’s happy. That never really was her schtick. 

So Scott decides to just be happy, and if happy is with Logan, then so be it.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are loved and appreciated! <3


End file.
